What to say when responding to a dating profile


First Message Strategy #2: Connect On Common Ground

Chat with us in Facebook Messenger. Find out what's happening in the world as it unfolds. Story highlights In your message, make sure to indicate that you've read the profile Limit compliments to personality-related praise, not physical Be brief and give your prospective sweetie something to respond to.

11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses

While we received a fair amount of gratitude mostly from online daters tired of finding such hapless missives in their inboxes , we also received many a request for tips on what to write in a successful first note. One humanity-loving reader also took the time to inform us he suspects we are "two former high school cheerleaders who now have an inferiority complex," a flattering if inaccurate assumption that we were once capable of killer herkies and immense pep. While it's infinitely more fun to tell you what not to do than it is to give you helpful pointers hey, the Ten Commandments weren't written in the negative for nothin' , this week we're heeding your call.

Before we proceed with the advice-shilling, though, a big disclaimer looms. Even if you write an excellent first letter, there is no guarantee that the recipient will write you back.

If there were a magic formula, some genius would have cracked it by now. Every online dater has had the experience of reading an impossibly sweet, heart-bursting message and thinking, "Oh, sigh, I wish we could use this site to arrange dates for our friends or make new totally platonic acquaintances, because the sender of this message is clearly a lovely person. This is simply part of the numbers game that is dating online and in real life , and it's the reason online courtship is not for those with rickety self-esteem and hair-trigger rejection sensitivity.


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  6. First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs.

Because most of your messages will go unanswered, doesn't mean there's anything wrong about you. Certainly you're brimming with foibles, but your intended date doesn't necessarily know that yet. Maybe you look too much like said recipient's ex, or you have three cats while he or she is deathly allergic, or he or she is not really interested in meeting dates IRL and just likes the ego boost of a bursting inbox.

And as we've said before, you simply cannot take it personally if you don't get a response. That said, there are a few ways to at least make it past the person's "Oh God delete and possibly block" filter:. Indicate that you have actually read through their profile.


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  • How to write that first online-dating note!
  • Some OKCupid data-crunching found that phrases such as "notice that," "good taste" and "you mention" yield a high response rate. They indicate you took the time to learn about your target, instead of just peering at his pictures, letting a drop of drool roll slowly down your chin and then sending a generic message that makes him seem totally unspecial.

    Step 8: How to respond to your first message

    Everyone wants to feel like a unique and sparkly snowflake, so pick out something intriguing from his written profile his love of "X Files," his advertised salad-making skills, whatever and mention it in specific. Relatedly, praise is always an easy way to endear people to you and a much less slimy approach than the famed "neg. Uh, a literate, typing ape, that is. Research consistently shows that we like people who look, move and -- critically -- talk like us. We analyzed over , first contacts on our dating site, OkCupid.

    11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses

    Our program looked at keywords and phrases, how they affected reply rates, and what trends were statistically significant. Online dating advice at its best.


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    Netspeak, bad grammar, and bad spelling are huge turn-offs. These all make a terrible first impression.

    3 ways to say hello to someone online

    In fact, if you count hit and we do! This makes a certain sense: You might think that words like gorgeous , beautiful , and sexy are nice things to say to someone, but no one wants to hear them. On the other hand, more general compliments seem to work well:. The word pretty is a perfect case study for our point.

    Answer their questions

    But very pretty is almost always used to describe the way something or someone looks, and you can see how that works out. We took a close look at salutations. The more informal standard greetings: There are many words on the effective end of our list like zombie , band , tattoo , literature , studying , vegetarian yes!

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